Thursday, March 17, 2011

True Confessions

I have some confessions to share of which I am not proud. 

Not long ago I mentioned giving up coffee for Lent.  Embarrassingly enough I made an extremely big deal about it.  I had even mentioned something to the fact that I would share a cup of tea with Anderson Cooper, the CNN and ever so sexy TV news journalist, when my house was packed up and ready to fall into the next Thornton, Colorado sink hole.  First of all, Anderson Cooper does not strike me as a tea drinkin' sort of guy.  With this said, sometime during that day I ended up driving through Starbucks where they promptly handed me my standard Venti Skinny Mocha, no whip, 3 Sweet N' Lows with 2 shakes of powdered cinnamon cup of heaven.  Was it their fault?  Certainly not.  Mine?  Questionable.  Coffee and chocolate, hence the word "mocha", coarses through my veins.  I can not function properly without it. So, without much ado, I prayed and asked for forgiveness.  I was blatantly stupid in my assumption that I was stronger than caffeine.  Now I have a new Lenten sacfrice/offering which I will not share with the world because, after all, I am human and no one wants to read another True Confessions Blog.

Secondly, I ran away from home yesterday.  Yes it's true.  A grown woman left home and literally contemplated checking into a Motel 6 (this is not one of those tacky television tell all shows but unfortunately it's starting to feel like one).  As many of you know, my boys have serious emotional and behavioral problems from both their Autism Spectrum diagnosis' and prior abuse/neglect history.  I normally can handle one melt down a day but when they're both having issues...whoa Nellie!

It wasn't really too awful until my oldest directed his issues at me.  It was a huge matter of trust and it stung as if a fast ball came out of no where and hit me on the side of the head.  I was hurt and angry so along with Austynn's second school suspension in less than a week and his continued screaming outbursts - I was done.  Over it.  When Eric came home, I told him I needed to go out and out I did.

Dinner first.  Nothing less than an appetizer as an entree.  Fried food and of course a cup of mocha.  Bliss!  No fifteen year old to ask for $50 lobster plate.  No twelve year old shoving down ten french fries and choking on them over my dinner...if I had a nickel for every time that happened!  Then a movie.  I sat in the parking lot in front of Macy's for over an hour Googling for a movie and ended up just surfing the Web on my phone (this is a true confession in itself.  How stupid!).

Shopping?  Ross.  I hate shopping!  Why did I do that?  First of all, I hate walking into any store that has a store merchandise "officer" standing at the door.  Secondly.  At 9:15 at night, why are all these women out imposing other women to their exhausted, screaming children?  Don't these women know that I'm ready to blow and they should have their beautiful babies at home in bed?

Drinking?  Thank you to my friend who when I called was at home and not in some exotic location like Mexico or Paris (crazy lady) and also who when I asked if I could come over and get "shit faced" opened her door.  As it turns out, I didn't need a drink.  Just someone to cry to.  I love you, lady.

And finally, my last true confession of the morning.  I can not avoid it any longer.  It is the one household chore I put off all week.  I have buffed my kitchen sinks to a wicked shine.  My laundry is done.  The bed sheets are changed and the bird cage is cleaned.  I'm going up there.  It's time.  Today I clean the boys bathroom.


Brenda said...

Confessions of a human being trapped in a world of insanity. I do so appreciate you sharing these in your blog. If you ever need a shoulder, an appetizer partner, or a drink I am always a phone call away. No matter how much I am a hermit sometimes, when it comes to you I crawl out of my box. :) I would say that I'm sorry for what you went through, but I know that sorry from me is pretty meaningless. What I will do, however, is tell you that you are loved and supported. You are never alone on this roller coaster. You try your hardest to do what is best. If that means that your pledge for Lent slipped, then so be it. I think that G-d will allow these types of things considering the work that you do in His honor otherwise.

And the ultimate sacrifice today: the boys' bathroom. If I don't hear from you by tomorrow I will call out the calvary. ;)

I love you

Leigh Ann said...

Boy, I can tell that if I lived close, I'd be Brenda's friend, too. I agree w/her, that if you slip and have your much needed coffee, I am confident that it is not only allowable, but encouraged, if that's what helps you get thru the courageous work that you do daily in His name.
AND, you are not the only person who has wanted to run away, even if it's only to sit in your car w/a coffee to surf the net on your phone. I have been off my foot from surgery, on a 'rolleraid' and unable to drive for 7 1/2 weeks now. Therefore, I am home A LOT, or my MIL or husband & kids are taking me everywhere. I have not had ALONE time for 8 weeks tomorrow. I am slowly going insane. We understand, Bri. In fact, I would think you were a little nuts if you didn't need some time to yourself to regroup.
I can't lent a shoulder, an appetizer or a drink from 4 states away, but I am only a phone call away if you need to talk. Look on my FB page, my numbers there, my friend.
Love you!

PS...have you made it out of the boys' bathroom yet?

Bri Potts said...

I procrastinated and barely made it but finished at 4:00pm (started at 3:15 mountain time). Awful hell hole of a room. It shouldn't take me 45 minutes but I find myself drifting in and out conveniently locating other things to do...filling their soap bottle, bleaching Austy's bath toys, and of course that stuff always directs me to other stuff. Arrrggg! Well at least it's done. I'm always amazed my kids don't get staff infections or something horrible like that. I love you too, Leigh. Thanks, as always, for your encouragement and laughter. B