Sunday, April 10, 2011

Dad's Secret Snore Spy Speech

Growing up family vacations were always a lot of fun but the sleeping arrangements were tough because there were so many of us.  Before my younger brother was born eleven years after myself, we were still a crew of six.  When my parents were younger they couldn't afford the extra or attached hotel room which meant we'd have to hunker down into a single room with two full beds, a roll away, and a sleeping bag taking up every available inch of the discount lodging's not so sanitary floor. 

The kids didn't mind.  It was one big adventure.  It was a family sleepover with benefits.  We could giggle and pretend to be asleep while we watched mom and dad's TV shows out of the corner of our eyes.  The only downfall to this sleeping arrangement was the inevitably that my father fell asleep first.  Even had he not just driven eight hours through Indian Reservations with four kids arguing in the back seat of a station wagon, he still would have fallen asleep first.  It was just his way. 

So once the lights were out and all the dinner gas, giggles, and hissing to be quiet was dispersed, the long night and the difficult process of actually trying to fall asleep began.  Oh the snoring!  My father was the master. 

At home two thick walls separated his nightly symphony yet there were evenings when even my pillows and the walls weren't enough to block the monstrous noise.  He sounded like a bear growling in the forest but here, in the bed right above me, there was nothing I could do.  No living Grizzly was capable of making a roar that loud.  How did my mother sleep through that?  How could I??  How were my siblings sleeping so soundly?  Unbelievable!  So in order to survive and enjoy our vacations I came up with an ingenious sleeping technique, "Dad's Secret Snore Spy Speech". 

Each grunt, each loss of breath (far be it from me to understand he probably had severe Sleep Apnea, poor guy), each wheeze, each exhale, every flap of lips, etc., was a code for some extraordinary mission that I was to accomplish the next day.  So instead of trying to ignore this intense racket, I was listening in rapt attention and, as with everything important, I fell asleep doing this.

My mother used to coach me as a little girl to marry a man just like my father.  Last night, at around 3:00am, I got up to go to the restroom and as I snuggled back deep into my comforter, I heard it.  The Secret Snore Spy Speech.  My mission for today, to go out and buy a box of earplugs and have Eric tested for Sleep Apnea.


Brenda said...


Leigh Ann said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Had the same childhood w/a severely snoring dad. Turns out, he did indeed have sleep apnea.