Friday, May 20, 2011

It's the Eve Before the End

It's the Eve Before the End.  The Big Enchilada.  I'd say this should be a new holiday but, well...there's an obvious point here to be made isn't there? 

If this happens to be my last evening on Earth, I have a few questions rolling around in my mind like marbles.  I'll toss them out and see where they drop.  They're rhetorical; however, if we're still here tomorrow morning feel free to kick back some good theories but only if they'll make me laugh.  I'll need some celebratory guffaws not reflective mood benders.  Otherwise, if we're scattered moon dust, our God, whomever we conceive Him or Her to be, will give us the answers in our own eternity.  Thank you very much.

Why do dogs lick themselves for hours on end at such inconvenient moments such as in the middle of the night, during love making, or while saying grace at Thanksgiving dinner?  There is never really a pleasant time to hear this but really, while I'm giving thanks for all good things?  I don't consider licking good, it's wrong.  No matter how you spin the marble, it's just gross.  Oh, and I didn't realize that girl dogs were just as efficient with the whole licking process. Sexist, I know, yet still disgusting but on a whole different level.

What happens after you feed children at a restaurant?  Normally they're not so well behaved anyway (don't squawk, I'm speaking about my boys here), but the moment they get into the car, havoc, chaos, and every inappropriate sound and smell possible explodes out of them.  I suppose I should be grateful that I can enjoy my cheeseburger and fries with some sort of polite table conversation; however, I almost dread the moment the bill is paid.  Is behaving for one hour so difficult for children that it has to come back ten fold for the fifteen minute drive home?  I remember how it was for my parents. The pinching, the pulling, the poking followed by the threats, the yelling, and the long arm of the law reaching over the front seat trying to whack us.  I know why my brothers, sisters, and I did it as kids.  My parents made us order meals with vegetables and glasses of milk.

Why am I horny when Eric is asleep and why does Eric think I'm sexy when I haven't showered for two days?  This is TMI (too much information) but if the crazy people are right, and tomorrow is the end of the world, then the majority of my blog readers (Eric and myself) will only have nightmares about sharing this information tonight.  That is, if we survive not running off the road after our last restaurant meal, make love before Eric starts snoring (though the thought of meeting my maker with smelly armpits is rather disappointing), and we can fall asleep despite the sound of Tulip licking herself for hours on end.  On end?...pardon the pun.  See you tomorrow?


Eric said...

It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine...and Bri does too!

Brenda said...

Great questions! Enjoy making love to Eric to the romantic sounds of dogs licking themselves, relish in the smell of your armpits (ok, maybe not so much that). I hope to hear from you after tomorrow night. xoxo

Pat said...

You know... whenever I think of dogs and licking, I think of the old lady, Magda, in the movie "There's Something About Mary" letting Puffy practically french kiss her. Eww