Tuesday, May 17, 2011

It's True! One is Bigger Than the Other

I almost took a header in chapel on Sunday morning.  Ok, what's a "header" and what does it have to do with the price of beans? 

A "header" is when I have my head in my hands, my elbows on my knees, and suddenly I fall forward almost landing on my head because I've fallen asleep.  I wake up with such an amazing jolt that anyone who happens to be with me at the time is also startled wide awake.  No one wants the stigma of being caught dozing in chapel.  Everyone wants to catch the other fellow snoring.  Oh well, I've lost my saintliness for the time being.  I'll have to work on it again.  To quote one of my favorite Billy Joel songs, "I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints". 

Oh, and by the way, it has nothing to do with the price of beans.  This has just been one of those rambling thoughts I needed to share since Sunday morning.

Embarrassing moments whether shared with the World Wide Web or at night under the cover of darkness with your loved one, just seems better spoken aloud then locked squirming away in your mind.  I have so many of them.  I laugh out loud and think, "Did that really just happen?  How silly!"  We all have them. Why not talk about them and give someone else a good laugh who couldn't be there to experience it for themselves. 

A couple of months ago, I posted an embarrassing moments Facebook challenge.  Out of all of my friends and family, only 3-4 responded with bonafide stories.  How is that?  We need to stop worrying about what people think of us.  It's one of the steps to making us stronger, laughing at our own mistakes and follies.  So with this said, I will end my blog with one of my better embarrassing moments.  Some of you have heard it but it is definitely worth a re-tell.  Enjoy.

As many of you have heard, I'm a big girl.  Fluffy?  Ok.  That's a nice word.  Along with "fluffy" comes big breasted.  Always have been, always will be.  It's been somewhat of a curse but I manage.  Anyway, in my early dating years I was hounded by a young, pervert who felt the only interesting place to take me was the drive-in movies.  I'll say no more about this except that his name was also, Eric.  Hmmm...what a coincidence.

I was such an innocent.  On my second date, hoping to go someplace a little nicer, I wore a yellow dress with white stockings.  Nope, drive-in theater again.  At intermission, I walked to the restroom where on Friday nights these places were a madhouse.  The lines behind each bathroom stall were at least ten girls deep.  When it was my turn, I did my business and upon leaving the stall, discovered rather unfortunately that the door opened inwards.  Let me explain that these bathrooms were made to squeeze in as many breathless, sexed out teenagers as possible.  The stalls were extremely small.  When I pulled the door in, it got stuck between my breasts.  SERIOUSLY!  At this point I will add that it is a true statement that one boob is bigger than the other.  I was stuck.  I couldn't push myself out.  I struggled, I pushed, I pulled but to no avail and all of this while I listening to the giggles and shrieks of laughter from the girls in the bathroom.  I had no other recourse than to slide down the door with my yellow dress and modest slip being pulled up over my head exposing my girdle and control top white pantihose.  Then, I had to crawl on my belly on that filthy floor, under the door, and walk past these same laughing girls.  If I had just ignored my mom and not worn the girdle...I think that was the final straw in my book of shame.

Yes, at that moment in time I was embarrassed.  Ok, humiliated; however, I look back now and think what an amazing story.  Plus, I have to add, a very good lesson learned.  Not only do I have nieces whom I can warn about evil, perverted young men who prey on large, innocent, big breasted girls but I can also prevent them from going out in public wearing yellow dresses with white stockings and shame upon shame, girdles.  Certainly not a necessary undergarment in today's world.


Brenda said...

Even though I have heard this before, it still makes me giggle and cringe over and over again. However, this time, the thing that made me laugh the most was when you said you were an innocent!!!

Bri Potts said...

Hey, everyone was innocent once! How did they ever
become bad if they weren't? *grin, wink*