Thursday, June 23, 2011

I Am The White Water Rafting Professional

I've been invited to go white water rafting again this season with a group of my dear neighborhood friends.  I went last year with a couple of ladies late in the season when the water was low and we merely drifted along the river at a slow and gentle pace.  Yes, there were some rapids but nothing too impressive.  This year, and especially in the next couple of weeks when we plan on going, the water will be high and crazy and I certainly, once again, will become the entertainment of the adventure.

Despite what people may think, I don't try to make everyone laugh on these excursions.  I actually take them seriously.  I understand the danger and am quite alert at how I need to conduct myself.  Maybe that's why I'm the first to fall on my ass.  Perhaps I should just relax and go with the flow (no pun intended).

Last year, my two girlfriends and I went on a level 3 white water adventure on the Cache La Poudre River just west of the Fort Collins area here in Colorado.  It's about an hour and half north from where we live; a beautiful river valley in the northern Rocky Mountains.  Like I mentioned earlier, the rafting trip was late in the season so the water was low and there weren't many rapids but of course, who was the clown?  Who was the idiot who managed to fall twice on her back in the raft with her fat ass up in the air?  Yours truly.  And when I fell with my butt sticking up and my legs wiggling about waiting for someone to have mercy upon me and pull me back to an upright position because I'm like a pill bug - once I'm on my back, there's no hope for me - where was the souvenir photographer?  That's right, on the bridge directly over my raft taking a picture of my overturned fannie and wiggly feet.  Who bought the souvenir picture?  No, not my friends because they wouldn't be my friends anymore.  It was the two Penn State gals on the same raft with us.  Geez, I wonder how many dorm dudes have seen my hairy butt on Facebook this past year?  Deep sigh.  And finally, who had the best looking raft guide out of the three rafts?  You guessed it.

Of course after all of that nonsense, I attempted to soothe my soul by a relaxing float on my back during the break (remember, I am like a pill bug plus I have my own natural floaties); however, I hadn't considered how difficult it would be getting back into a slippery raft afterwards.  Yep.  Score another comedic moment for the Brister AND this time I got to show my genius to everyone docked at the swimming hole.  Ho hum.

So here I go again.  Another round of rafting mayhem but now it's serious business.  In a few weeks the water is going to be intense.  The snow pack can still be seen up in the mountains and the rapids are going to be crazy.  If I'm going to make a fool out of myself, this will be the time to do it.  No practicing necessary.  I took care of that last year.  I'm a total professional now.   Bring it on!

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