Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Believe It Or Not, I Hate Parties

Yes, it's true.  I'd rather sit in a corner at a big party of people I don't know then go out of my way to meet them.  Shocking, isn't it?  It takes every inch of courage I have and sometimes a few shots of liquid courage to stand up and introduce myself.

People automatically think because I'm loud and boisterous that I'm an extrovert.  Nope.  Not at all.  It's my cover.  My secret weapon.  As I've gotten older, it's easier not to care so much what people think of me but it's still frightening to walk into a room of strangers.  I'd much rather hang out in the back room and play with the kids, the family pets, or cut out early for a late night movie with my significant other than stand around and make small talk. 

I think that's what it all boils down to, really...small talk.  I can't stand it.  Couldn't we just cut to the chase?  None of the, "Oh, the weather has been extremely muggy lately, hasn't it?" crap.  I HATE that!  Who cares, really?  I don't unless my arms pits are sticking to my clothes and if that's the case, I would just prefer to come out and say it.  I love coming up to a perfect stranger and telling her she has a booger on her face.  That's when you can tell the true character of a person.  If she laughs and brushes it off, she's worth hanging out with for the rest of the evening.  If she gets squirmy and runs to the bathroom, she's not worth my time. 

There's just way too many fussy people walking around in the world.  Throw them in a room with me and suddenly I get indigestion.  All I want to do is kick off my shoes, relax, and maybe dance to a few good tunes on the stereo.  Is that too much to ask for?  Do I really have to worry about friggin' cocktail napkins with some sort of strange looking hors d'œuvre and chatting about the state of the economy with a dude who forgot to trim his nose hair?  NO!  I'd rather just tell him that I hate shrimp, I think the economy sucks because one of my best friends just lost his job, and he needs to trim the goatee hangin' out of his snout.  Then, I'm hoping he'd laugh and dance to some Black Eyed Peas with me.  Could this happen?  Anything is possible.

1 comment:

Devyn said...

That would be a wonderful world. I'm one of those people that go out of my way to talk to the people sitting alone in a corner. They probably think I'm nuts, but I want people to feel comfortable and worth talking to.