Friday, July 1, 2011

Chocolate Cookies and Tequila...No Bueno

Last night was my first YouTube video for this blog and unfortunately, we had been experiencing technical difficulties before it posted.  Now this is itself doesn't sound like such a bad thing but by the time my voice was picked up by the microphone, I had popped down quite a few shots of tequila.  I was plastered.  

Tequila and I have an interesting relationship.  It's my alcohol of choice in that I normally don't have wicked hangovers the next day.  In fact, later this afternoon I plan on hitting Walmart, Costco, and the grocery store in that order with my boys - God help me!  I've been known to down close to half a bottle by myself with nothing more than a "don't you dare speak to me" episode the next day.  However, I have never been so stupid, so unthinking as to snorkel down two double, double chocolate chocolate chip (what, is there an echo?) cookies before passing out. 

Somewhere around 3:00am it hit me.  I sat bolt upright commenting rather loudly about the horrible smell in the room.  Poor Eric, I never have any mercy on my dear husband.  If I smell it, he must wake up and smell it too.  He was too exhausted and only moaned.  It took me a moment to realize what it was.  It was my breath.  The smell of bad tequila and the cookies permeated the room.  I had been lying, for the most part, on my back and snoring up a storm.  The whole room stunk.  Then I smelled my hands.  Disgusting.  When I hadn't been on my back, I had drooled all over myself, including my hands.  Alright, I thought, at least the dogs hadn't barfed on the carpet.  Nice alternative but still gross.  I can at least go back to sleep without cleaning up puke.

Too late.  Face slapping dog caught my eyes.  He demanded to go outside.  Ok.  So I take him.  My dog, Tank annoys me to no end.  He wants to go out but he makes the whole process a big game.  I have to talk him out of the bed.  Then I have to scratch his belly.  He must chase me down the steps.  He'll go only if I give him a treat...good grief!  It's now 3:35am.  Not fun big boy!

I'm back in bed.  Now my tendinitis in my foot is killing me.  It's literally throbbing and the idea of getting out of bed from my perfect position for two ibuprofen is impossible.  I consider a very naughty alternative.  Eric.  He'd get them for me.  I know he was up well past midnight fooling around on the laptop.  I also know he has to get up for work in a couple of hours but he loves me.  He'll help me.  I did wake him up about an hour ago to inhale the awful smell which just happened to be my bad breath.  He didn't really wake up though.  I'm such a bitch.  But my foot really hurts.  I think if I step down on it again I'll scream and wake him up anyway.  So, I did the next best thing without suffering the guilt.  I stayed awake and moaned loudly for another half hour.  Damnit!  He continued snoring.  I ended up getting them myself.

4:16am.  I had extreme heartburn from the friggin ibuprofen (and most likely the cookies and tequila but I wasn't ready to admit defeat yet).  Thank goodness I keep a bottle of antacid in my nightstand for just such occasions.  Now it was the noise.  The dripping from the rainstorm the night before.  The face slapping dog licking himself because what else does Tank do when Bri wants to sleep.  Eric's snoring.  It was too much.  EARPLUGS!

I have learned my lesson.  Double, double chocolate chocolate chip cookies and cheap no bueno.   Next time, I'll bring out the good stuff.

No comments: