Sunday, July 31, 2011

I'm not a saint.

It's time to get serious.  Yes, it's true.  I can be serious from time to time and today I feel it's time to shed some light on something that's been haunting me.

I am not a saint.

People say this to me all the time.  When I sit down at parties and I let out steam about my boys' latest antics, the first thing out of people's mouths is that I'm a saint or that the boys are lucky to have Eric and I as parents.  No.  Please don't say that.  Let me just vent.  I don't want to be congratulated for being their parent.  I don't want to hear kudos for adopting them.  I don't need to know that I'm a special person for taking them into my home.  That's not what I want to hear or what I'm asking for.  I just need a friend or friends to be there for me so I don't lose my mind.  

You don't hear me screaming profanities behind my bedroom door.  You don't hear me crying into my pillow.  You don't see the exasperation on my face after I repeat the same thing to Austynn five times in a row.  You don't notice me grinding my teeth when William talks back to me or becomes disrespectful over a simple request.  You don't see me violently throwing broken toys away or wishing my children gone for a few days or a week or a month or a year.    

I'm not a saint.  I'm just a person who often wonders if I had a choice to do this all over again, would I?  It's a hard question and there are many days, like Thursday morning when I found another smouldering battery - completely by chance - under Austynn's bed, when I wonder, would I?

I'm just an adoptive mom of two special needs kids doing the very best that I can.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Bri, you may not be a saint, but you do pretty well with our boys. I love you and am very proud to be a parent with you.