Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned by a bunch of lazy so and so's.

When people, or let's just call it as it is, family members, leave things empty or in need of replacement, it's annoying.  For instance, the paper towel roll.  What's with that?  It never fails that when I have wet hands from washing raw poultry and I need a handy, dandy paper towel  - I find the empty cardboard roll dangling off my lovely dispenser.  I shouldn't use my cloth dish towel because, well - it's unsanitary.  I could be unknowingly - or in this case - knowingly spreading salmonella throughout my kitchen, appliances, and counter tops.  Gruesome!  I blame this all on the lazy so and so's who couldn't take the three small steps to the pantry for a replacement roll.  Instead, I end up wiping my wet hands on my jeans.  (I'm sure The Health Department would smile kindly on this.)  I check the pantry for a roll of paper towels.  D'oh!  We're out.  Well, couldn't that lazy so and so walk down to the basement, reach up to the top shelf, pull down 5-6 paper towel rolls, walk back up from the basement, stock the pantry, and replace the roll on my lovely dispenser?  Lazy so and so!!  Since I'm in the middle of making dinner I won't have time to take care of it.  And so, the cycle continues.

What is it with leaving a scrape of butter on the dish or less than a swallow of milk in the carton?  Is there some sort of curse about finishing something?  While I was vacuuming the other day (yes, I think about bizarre things while housecleaning and is it any surprise to you, my blog readers, that I would be vacuuming?), I thought about this and this is what I came up with; if someone finished the butter, that would mean that the lazy so and so would feel compelled to rinse off the dish and place it in the sink (far be it from them to actually consider placement in the dishwasher, far too difficult a task).  If the last gulp of milk were to be swallowed, they may actually have to throw away the carton.  This would normally not be a big deal but if the trash were full, I would insist that the trash be taken out to the dumpster and the trashcan be re-lined.  I'm such a slave driver.  I feel horrible - well, not really.

And finally, the big, bad, bummer and the one that will be certain to have me screaming and lecturing for a good portion of the evening (one must assume this is very bad because I am not a lecturer by nature).  When I sit my ass down on a toilet, I should not have to verify that there's toilet paper.  This should an understood.  After all, this is my domain too.  I purchase the toilet paper when I go shopping.  I stock the bathrooms in advance.  So when that fateful moment arrives and I turn to the empty roll and if I'm fortunate enough to be in a bathroom where I can reach the cabinet and God forbid, some lazy so and so took the last roll under the sink...oh, this goes past annoying, this is just wrong on so many levels.   

I've sat screaming, drip drying or otherwise, until I've had to take matters upon myself.  I've been traumatized by these experiences.  Just know that when these horrifying moments have arrived, I've handled them with as much grace and dignity as I could muster.  Once I'm off the throne, the lectures and consequences begin.  Let me just say, Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned by a bunch of lazy so and so's.  


No comments: