Sunday, August 14, 2011

I'm a cheater but not in the same league with Rosie...

Rosie Ruiz, 1979 NYC Marathon
I'm a cheater.  Yes, it's true.  Pure and simple.  Not in a horrible, sinister way but in a funny, trickster kind of way.  So imagine my delight yesterday morning while reading an article on the FOX Sports Internet page about Rosie Ruiz.  In 1979 Ruiz entered the New York City Marathon, ran a short distance, ducked out early without anyone noticing, took the subway, and ran the last mile to win the race in record time.  I laughed out loud.  I had never heard this story before.  For eight days she was glorified as the great underdog from literally nowhere.  Now, for a woman, she had some serious cajones; however, I must admit she was an asshole.  A decent human being would have stood there, absorbed some glory, and when the true winner crossed the finished line, handed it over like a baton in a relay race.  The joke would have been on the unsuspecting officials.  Rosie is what I would consider a sinister cheater somewhat on the same level as the steroid pumping fools in today's sports.

I'm a trickster cheater.  When I cheat, I'm extremely obvious and usually very upfront about it.

I have been known, to stack the deck BUT only in cases when I am on the losing end of an embarrassingly bad game of let's say Cribbage or Gin Rummy.  My poor husband.  It has taken him years to figure out never to leave the cards in my possession when he goes to the restroom.  One of the best scoring hands in Cribbage is 29.  It's hard to stack this hand but not impossible especially if he's gone for awhile (if you know what I mean).  I almost got away with it once but could not contain myself.  He was so impressed with my cards that my facial contortions and giggling gave me away eventually.  I'm a good liar but not that good.

Eric and I used to play the game, Battleship all the time.  This is a strategy board game whereas two players determine by a series of peg moves where the other player's ships are on their opponents side of the board.  Well, for some unknown reason I could never seem to beat Eric at this game.  One afternoon I was determined not to lose again.  He called out his peg moves but my husband, for some mysterious reason or another, could not hit or sink any of my ships.  By the time I only had one of his ships left to locate and it was inevitable that I would finally win the blasted game, Eric jumped up in frustration and claimed he should have hit one of my ships already.  He looked at my side of the board and noticed I had failed to place a single ship out to begin with.  Oops!  It must have slipped my mind.  I wonder if this is why he doesn't play Battleship with me anymore? 
Now that the Autumn months are upon us, we will invite friends over from time to time for game nights.  Let this be a warning to you, my dear ones; if we play Monopoly, I have a penchant for Boardwalk. If we bring out The Game of Life, I really love being the banker.  And finally, if we play cards, make sure your glasses aren't too clean.  I can see clearly what you have in their reflection.  I look forward to our get togethers.  By the way, if I have a really stupid look on my face when you get back from the restroom, you have my full permission to check my pockets and interogate the other guests.  Is there a possibility that I've cheated?  You betcha! 

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