Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Vile Mothers of the Universe, ACTIVATE!

I just read an article on my MSN homepage about things that mothers would be shocked to learn about other mothers.  One in particular is that most mothers have moments when they don't like their children.  OMG!  I AM SO SHOCKED!  REALLY?!  THOSE VILE MOTHERS!  Give me a friggin break.  Are we really shocked?  And for that matter, let's not leave out the fathers.  Hey dads, you're in this too.  Good grief!  What rock has this columnist been living under?

Ok, for the sake of being a wee bit nice, which for me today might be difficult because my nice pills haven't kicked in yet, perhaps this columnist doesn't sit down with normal parents after a bad morning with our monsters screaming about applying toothpaste to their decaying teeth?  I've personally been known to say, "Bring on the painful dentist's drill!.  Maybe this will teach 'em that I'm not full of malarkey."

I don't think parents sit around, drink coffee, and share stories about how wonderful and perfect our kids are.  That might happen in another dimension but the folks I hang out with impart such horror stories about their demons and particular dislike - and yes, it's hard to hear, contempt - of our offspring that we actually feel a sense of camaraderie.  Yes, we love our children but we know as parents that they are smaller versions of our nastier, naughtier, and younger selves.  We know what to expect, sort of.  We're not fools.  Our parents cursed us,  "I hope you have a child just like you when you get older!" 


Our parents' generation never talked about it and they still don't.  As far as my mother is concerned we were lovely children.  Bullshit!  We were awful, terrible monsters.  My mother locked herself away in her bedroom for most of my childhood with a migraine.  When she did come out she was either sweet and pleasant or all Hell would break loose.  How different it would have been if she could just rely on some equally nutty friends and say, "I hate my kids this morning".  No, not in that generation.  Every family was perfect.  What happened behind closed doors stayed behind closed doors.  It wasn't as if my brother wasn't the only fifteen year old trying to emulate Tarzan wearing nothing but a loin cloth, hanging from the neighbors' avocado trees, and shooting at crows with a bow and arrow.

So today, my kids have been great.  Could this be because I was gone for most of the morning for an appointment and left them with my husband?  Could this also be because I was tired when I got home and took a nap?  So really, truth be told, they've been wonderful today because I haven't seen them.  School starts soon.  This vile mama is so ready.


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