Monday, October 31, 2011

And she's down for the count!

As many of you know, I was married once before and if my ex-husband or family members happen to read this particular blog, tighten your seat belts, it may get a little rough.  My ex and I fought and the fighting was ugly.  At times, we hit hard and below the belt.  It wasn't because Jeff or I are bad or malicious people, it's because we didn't know how to communicate with one another.  We had very little in common and could not comprehend the other's views.  We had no business being married.  Yes, I loved the man and still do.  He is a sweet and gentle soul; however, our souls were not mated.  We continue to communicate but at a safe distance.  Safe enough that he is not within glass throwing range.  I never knew I contained such anger but then again, I've never felt such betrayal.

I hated the way I felt after our fights; so helpless, so empty.  It never felt like we resolved anything.  The anger seemed to simmer for days and my stomach was always in knots waiting for the pot to come to a boil.  Of course it would, I knew it had to be resolved eventually and when it did it was ugly.  The fights usually centered around several things, my jealousy (Jeff was a flirt), money (we were broke to the point of selling our plasma), our share of household responsibilities, and my loneliness (he had his friends over quite a bit and I couldn't find a way to make my own).  It was a dark time for me and most likely for him as well.

Once we went our separate ways, I was done with that type of relationship.  The fighting and the making up.  Yes, making up is nice but the horrible feeling I had while the fighting was going on was devastating.  It wasn't worth it.  I must admit, I'm a passionate, fly off the handle kind of gal so I couldn't imagine ever finding a man who could put up with my temper tantrums in the future.

Along came Eric Potts.

He just laughs at my temper tantrums.  Do you know how interesting this is?  As I'm in the middle of one (this happens quite frequently), and I realize that I'm being a wee bit irrational, Eric will just look at me and say, "Oh well".  This tends to makes me laugh out loud.  Is this all I needed in my life?  How odd!

When I'm annoyed at him - and this also happens a lot - he'll have no clue as to why and he'll give me this strange little look.  I can't stay mad at him and this also makes me laugh.  This in itself should be enough to get me angry all over again.  But no, it doesn't. 

So in total, I've been married to Eric for over sixteen years and the closest thing to a fight we've had was when I threw a comb at him in the car (yes, dammit - I'm always throwing things) because he was being stubborn and wouldn't get his blood drawn (he's hates getting his blood drawn).  Amazing. 

I've listened to afternoon talk shows and read magazine articles which say good marriages have fights and come out stronger afterwards.  Really?  Then I must be the exception in marriages because I got things really turned around.  I hate fighting,  I don't want to fight, I'd rather look into my guy's beautiful blue eyes at the end of the day and laugh about all the stupid things other people do.  Make-up sex, really?  I have a secret for you.  Sex is better before a fight.  I've been on both sides of the ring, I should definitely know.   


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