Tuesday, October 4, 2011

...a shift in perspective.

I formulated several blogs in my mind yesterday.  One, while I was waiting over an hour and a half the first time for AAA to show up and jump start my car while it was sitting in the garage.  I suppose I could have written it at this point but I never know when the service operator says that the tow truck dude might show up within 5-75 minutes where my moment of opportunity is.  Will this window provide me enough time to brush my teeth or take a full bubble bath, dry my hair, and clean my bedroom?  Then, of course there was the "Austynn Factor".  This is how I discovered my battery was dead.  I couldn't drive him to school so I had a constant reminder of just how badly my morning was going.

8:45am:     "Mom, the tow truck's not here yet."  (I called AAA at 8:35am)  "I know, buddy."

8:56am:     "Mom, I love you." -- "I love you too, Austy."

8:58am:     "Mom, can I play Wii?" --  "Austynn, you know you can't play on weekdays."

9:04am:     "When's he gonna get here, Mom?"  -- "I don't know."

9:10am:     "MOM?" -- "I'm upstairs, buddy.  Not now..."

9:16am:     "If he's not here by 10:00, can I stay home from school?" (If he's not here by 10:00, I'm going to murder somebody!) "No, Austynn.  You're going to school today."

AAA showed up at 10:16am.  My eyes were twitching, my nerves were raw, and Austynn had not stopped talking.  Normally, I would have not allowed my kiddo to show the tow truck driver how to use his jumper cables, discuss the environmental hazards of car batteries, or point out the corrosion on my cable connectors but I felt as if the dude had it coming for making me wait so long.  I let the grumpy dude suffer it out.  This was bad karma.

Had I stopped Austynn from talking, perhaps the grumpy dude would have checked my battery level and said, "Lady, don't take this car anywhere unless it's to a garage to have the damn thing replaced."  This didn't happen.  The battery died again but this time in my church parking lot which was very amusing in that I had just left chapel and offered up the rest of my day to God.  I believe that the Lord and I have a very tender relationship.  I cry, he giggles. 

And so I waited another hour or so with a new blog drafting in my mind.  At least this time I had one of my dearest friends to sit and talk with.  My husband Eric came from work and tried to remedy the situation too.  Nope.  Battery needed AAA again.  We had a nicer guy this time around and he confirmed the diagnosis.  Replacement.  Ho hum.  How much does a car battery cost?  Good grief.  I guess we'll be a one car family for awhile. 

Home.  Ahhh.  Finally!  Who fed the dogs what yesterday and which one of them has left that horrifying, nastiness all over my carpet and tile?  Breathe.  Find my Zen.  I offered my day up to God, remember?? 

Check e-mails.  My sophomore ditched his last class again (per his math teacher) and he's staying late so he can play computer games?  Nice.  Just as I read this, he came home.  If you don't have teenagers yet, God bless you.  Let me just say for the record, when it happens - everything is your fault. 

"William, why did you ditch class again today?"


Breathe.  In and out.  Cool, crystal waters of sparkling blue pools.  Ok.  I'm better.  He'll be in serious trouble once I regain my composure.  I start formulating another blog...

Eric picked up Austy from school.  Uh oh.  New issue.  Austynn didn't like his school administrator telling him what to do so he told him "what to do".  Oh boy.  Lunch detention all week.  (Should the blog be about my children or my car...?)

Towards the end of the day, I had a friend who was in crisis. We sat on my back porch and I held her.  Fuck the rest of it.  Fuck my broken down car, money problems, hurt feelings over past issues, a lost check and wounded pride about having to ask for help, my children screaming at me, and all my other seemingly "important" problems. 

Yesterday, I sat in a quiet chapel and surrendered it to God.  I knelt before my greater light and asked what I could do.  I acknowledged that I'm but a grain of sand.  When I saw her standing at my back porch asking for help, I understood.  I knew what I needed to blog about today.  It's not always about me, is it?




LadyDreamer said...

Sometimes all God asks is that you be the one with the light in a dark place, so others can see.

Bri Potts said...

That is a beautiful and extremely profound statement. Thank you for sharing it with me.