Wednesday, November 16, 2011

How much is a quick booty shake worth?

Eric and I were debating some get rich quick schemes last night.  This is always a sign that we're financially desperate especially when we're doing this over the Value Menu and a cheap cup of coffee at Denny's.

My husband is determined that if I just shake my booty on the corner of Colorado and 136th, I'd make enough money to cover the house payment for the next few months.  As always, this particular suggestion is soundly rejected.  If I were to do this, I would certainly not put my earnings into the house payment.  I'm too unrealistic for such a sensible suggestion.  Instead, I'd go to Vegas, shake my booty with the professionals, and try to triple my earnings.

After my third coffee refill, my dear one reveals some interesting information. For my 45th birthday in February, he has connived with some 15, 20, 30 various friends and family members to go to a studio taping of The Price is Right show in Hollywood, California.  Eric is convinced that with my extremely funny personality (which only surfaces after my eighth caffeine refill or sixth shot of Tequila), and personal good luck (which is why Eric and I are scheming to make money at Denny's in Thornton, Colorado), that I would be picked as one of the studio audience to participate and win something extraordinary.  A new mustang perhaps?  A million dollars?  Sure, I can do that...RIGHT!

This is what would happen if by some bizarre chance I were to be selected;  I would trip on the way down to the podium.  Then, IF I were to go on to the next level, I would also trip going up the stairs because after all, that's what I do...I stumble.  In addition, I wouldn't understand the game.  It would take the host several attempts to explain it to me and then I still wouldn't get it.  My brain doesn't work well under pressure.  I need time, silence, and calm to consider my options.  I would not win a car.  I would win a bottle of dishwashing soap.  Eric would be devastated and I would be on YouTube for the rest of eternity as the dumbest person EVER on the Price is Right.

Our next option, which I just mentioned, is YouTube.  We attempted this once before with my blog. I think some of you may remember it.  I certainly do. Eric and a friend of mine are convinced that I'm funny, I; however, am not.  I'm thinking there is a slight difference of opinion here.

The idea behind YouTube is that I receive commercial sponsorship for my video blogs.  I did have this for my writing blog once but someone hit my ads a few too many times and the "powers that be" pulled my advertising.  So Eric - aka, my business manager, husband, and pimp - has decided to have me make a go of it again.  He's seen a video blog of a dude on YouTube who is supposedly very successful.  This is how our conversation went last night...

Eric:     Bri, I think you should try it again.  This guy is doing really well.

Bri:       What's his angle?

Eric:      What do you mean, what's his angle?

Bri:        I mean, is he good looking?  Is he geeky?  Are his kids goofy?  What is he doing to get so many people to watch him?

Eric:       Nothing.

Bri:        What do you mean, nothing?  He's got to be doing something.  Is he a weirdo?  Does he drool?  Am I funnier than he is?

Eric:       I think so. 

Bri:         Good grief.  This is depressing.  Why don't we follow Tank humping Tulip around the house for 15 minutes?  We need an angle. 

Eric:        Why don't we open the video with you shaking your booty on the corner of Colorado and 136th.

Bri:         Are we really back to this again?  (Waitress comes by with the coffee pot.)  Yes, please.  This is going to be a very long night.



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