Friday, November 18, 2011

Sometimes I think we could all use a 'Do-Over Genie'...

Oh the goofy things we do! 
Thank you, my friend for this morning's blog know who you are!

We all have those awful moments that when we're in a rush, or angry, or - ladies come on, let's be honest here - when Banshee has arrived for her monthly visit, when we wish we could have a complete do-over. Yes, my dear friend...if you had that chance, we both know you would have backed out just a wee bit slower from your garage today and not taken out your driver's side mirror.  And, truth be told, if I could be your 'Do-Over Genie' I would have saved you that agonizing, forehead slamming, 'what was I thinking?' moment.

Once, during a long distance, laughter-riddled phone call, my older sister related one of her extreme moments to me.  Of course when it happened it wasn't funny at all.  In fact, knowing my sister Ellen and her fits of temper as well as I do, I'm quite shocked that no one called the police on her that frightful afternoon.  We Bryant women, when in wild states of anxiety, have been known to make grown men cry.

On this particular occasion, she was having one of those days.  Everything was going wrong; she was late for an appointment, her kids were being brats, she was sweating, probably having her monthly visit from Banshee - you know... just an overall shitty day.  She pulled into a gas station completely on empty and tried to open her fuel tank door but it was jammed.  Lovely.  She tried everything but couldn't open it.  Beyond frustrated and ready to cry, she approached the gas station attendant inside the kiosk and asked if she could borrow a screw driver or something to pry it open.  Can you believe the Jack Ass said, NO?!  As if she were asking him to give her a $100 bill that she'd never repay?!

Ellen absolutely lost it.  She started screaming.  Cursing.  Kicking.  She took her car key and started mutilating her car.  It took her 20 minutes of insanity but she did it.  She put $20 of gas into her Hyundai and inflicted $100's of dollars worth of damage to her side panel but she eventually got it open.  All I can say for the Jack Ass (non)attendant is that it was a good thing he was behind safety glass and next the crazy lady a screw driver!

My mom also had an experience once at a gas station but the poor dear wasn't aware that she had one.  Her family realized it first when she pulled up to the house with the fuel pump still hanging out of her gas tank.

I remember sitting at a Marriage Encounter weekend once were a woman stood up and proudly defined the depth of her husband's love for her.  She had entered a parking lot apparently the wrong way and had rolled her front tires over spike strips flattening both of them.  Instead of just backing up, yep - you guessed it - she decided to go forward.  When her husband arrived, he wasn't cross with her.  He didn't say an unkind word.  He simply shook his head, smiled, and unloaded four new tires and got to work replacing them.  The entire room burst into laughter giving him a round of applause.

Now that I've been typing for a few minutes, I've picked up on a common theme; women, cars, and gas stations.  This blog was supposed to be about the goofy things we do and it has suddenly metamorphosed into a strange ramble.  Hmmm...this reminds of the time I almost murdered a little dude at a gas station for giving me attitude about a pack of cigarettes AND I DIDN'T EVEN SMOKE!  Now, he was a lucky bastard behind safety glass!

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