Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Ouch! That hurt!

During the summer of my twentieth year, I spent a month with my family in Maui.  My father's employer had an oceanfront timeshare and in my youth we were blessed with several long vacations at this beautiful location.  Ok, so where am I going with this other than the fact that I'm sharing how spoiled a life I led as a young adult...?  I'm getting to that. 

This is a tough blog.  Usually the words come spilling out of my fingertips...not today.  This morning I'm writing about betrayal.  Something that I hate, something which makes me sick to my stomach.

Cast from the movie, St. Elmo's Fire
When I came home from this particular trip, I met up with my friends at a local pizza parlor.  This group I considered my other family.  They where the guys and gals I'd meet after work, hang out with at parties, and shared my most intimate secrets to.  Most of them, I went to high school with and out of these, even a few I'd known since grade school.  The girls were like sisters.  Most of the boys, if I hadn't dated - were like brothers.  The only way I can describe this circle is to compare us to the group of friends from the movie, St. Elmo's Fire.  Ironically, I've never watched it because I've been told (by some of these same people) that there's a character in the movie which profiles me to a "T".  Because of this, I've decided to never watch it.   Feel free to rent it on my behalf.  Those of you who know me well enough might be able to guess my 1980's character.

That evening, as I was catching up over the month's lost gossip and snuggling up next to my military boyfriend, I sensed an odd vibration at the table.  Something wasn't right.  The girls weren't as chit-chatty, and my boyfriend, Tony was tense.  Something was up.  But, as usual, I was completely unaware.  I couldn't imagine what was about to hit me. "Bri, we need to talk to you in the bathroom."

"Ok."  Of course, these were my three oldest and dearest friends.  Whatever they had to tell me, I would trust that they knew what they were doing.  Sure I was concerned, but they had my back, they always did.

"It was no big deal so don't get upset about it."  (I have come to loathe those words over the years.)  "We all made out with Tony while you were away."

Stunned silence. 

As I type this now, it all sounds so trivial - so "high school drama" but at the time it was like a ton of bricks being dropped on my head.  The three people I trusted most in the world betrayed me and the worse part is that they stood in front of me and reacted as though it were no big deal.  The moment I looked hurt, the tables turned and I was accused of being childish for not taking it on the chin.  I was mocked.  "Grow up, Bri.  It was nothing." 

It's been over 25 years but those words still haunt me.  "Grow up, Bri."  Ok, well I have.  Surprise!  I can look out for myself.  This is what I would like people to know about me now...

I don't want or appreciate friends monitoring my alcohol intake especially if I live within walking distance of a party.  And, by the way, I party hard perhaps five or six times a year at the most.  I don't normally drink wine and I don't like beer.  So next time you see me at a casual get together please notice that I'm probably holding a bottle of water in my hand or sipping a soda.  No need to call AA on me just yet. 

My husband Eric knew I had a wild streak when he married me.  In some ways, I think this is part of his attraction to me.  I adore my husband.  I waited my entire life for some one to look at me and see me for who I really am.  When I weighed 347 pounds, he thought I was a Goddess.  When I say something stupid, he actually considers it intelligent and when I told him yesterday that I thought the garage door was supposed to stop when I slammed into it, he laughed.  He is my soul mate.  I would die before I hurt him.  Yesterday he was hurt by me indirectly and I thought I was going to collapse from the pain of it.  I will never allow that to happen again. 

And as far as everything else, don't coddle me, don't babysit me, and please don't betray me.  I've learned how to dodge bricks pretty well by now but the one yesterday hit me hard on the head and I've got an ugly goose egg to show for it.  Life happens and it certainly happened yesterday.  So now I have to ask, has anyone ever really had my back?  

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