Friday, December 16, 2011

Season's Greetings and Bah Humbug!

As I was hanging my five holiday cards yesterday, I found myself laughing at the hypocrisy of it all.  What happened to the dozens of happy notes and cards my family received last year?  This is my theory...we're off the lists; however, for the few of you who have sent us greetings, thank you.
Last year I couldn't afford to send holiday letters so this season I believe the Colorado Potts' have been scratched off.  Our address has been removed from countless mailing lists from around the country.  I may be assuming too much but I'm calling it like I see it.  (Uh oh, my husband is squirming as he's reading this.  I'm sorry, my dear, but you know me, I'm going to type what's on my mind.)

That's ok.  I've always found the holiday card exchange a bit lame and hypocritical for the following reasons:

  • If you send them, write something more then just your name.  Include a note, let us know what you've been up to.  Even if it's a short form letter, we want to know what's going on in your life.  
  • If you're sending a family picture, then let it be a family picture!  Yes, your kids are cute, but dammit - I know you - not your kids.  I'd like to remember what your goofy face looks like.  Who cares if you've developed a facial wart, look like Friar Tuck, or gained 80 pounds.  I have too (except the Friar Tuck thing - thank goodness.).  Get over it, we're friends. 
  • Ok, speaking of kids - if you have four, five, holy cow...even eight (God bless your loins!), please for the love of all that is good, don't tell me what part they played in last February's stage rendition of Snow White or if little Timmy kicked 3 field goals in last Saturday's soccer game.  I DON'T CARE.  And, because you're my friend, I'm going to tell you the truth (this may hurt) - no one else besides your mother is interested.  Save us the agony.  We won't read past the first four lines.  Trust me, it's a complete waste of printer ink. 
  • No personal poetry.  We all suck at it. 
  • I'm sorry your dog died, you had your left foot amputated, and your great uncle Paul died of tongue cancer; however, it doesn't make for a happy holiday letter especially when I'm running out to the local drugstore and looking for a strong rope to hang myself with.
  • AND FINALLY, do me a favor, when I send you a holiday greeting, it's not a tit-for-tat game.  I'm sending you one because you're honestly on my mind.  Isn't this what the holidays are about; thinking warm and loving thoughts about people we haven't called or contacted for awhile?  I've always found it very disheartening when I send out a letter and suddenly my mailbox is inundated with cards as if to say, "Oops, Bri and Eric sent me something. I better send them a card back."  Totally unnecessary.

So now that I've pissed everyone off, I'll expect absolutely no cards or letters next year.  Happy holidays from my family to yours.  Bah Humbug and lots of hugs and kisses too.  

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