Tuesday, April 10, 2012

My thoughts as I hurtled through the night sky...

Date:           April 9, 2012
Time:          8:06 pm MST
Location:   Somewhere, someplace far too high in the atmosphere for a human being to logically be drinking a cup of coffee.

I'm in the "friendly" skies.  Who the Hell coined this phrase?  Friendly my ass.  I'm hurtling through the air in an aluminum capsule (Are these things aluminum?  Now I'm really panicking...) flying thousands - no hundreds of miles per hour (Silly Breezy, this is not a supersonic type deal..) over the Earth.  (Where are the birds?  Damn?  Can't a single, stupid pigeon bring an entire 747 down?  Oh Hell, this is why I don't sit next to the window.)  

I'm strictly an "aisle" girl.  I clutch the arm rests pretending to be brave while secretly monitoring each bump to determine when I should pull out my handy, dandy, prescription bottle of Valium.  I try not to rely on medication especially when flying alone.  There's a very good reason for this - I get confused.  There's always a strong possibility that I may not get off the plane at my appointed destination due to my happy, calming, zen-inducing, orange pills.  I could easily sleep through the connection and instead of hopping off at Denver International, I'd find myself discombobulated at Chicago Midway.

This has also been a tough week for my digestive track.  I've been battling the flu in California.  I'm fairly certain I'm over it; however, just prior to leaving my sister's house, I had a rather unfortunate incident in the restroom.  At this precise moment, my stomach is making sounds louder than a freight train.  On a positive note - and there are very few as I write this - the plane engines are louder.  No one but my sweet, merciful Lord, my dearest God in Heaven, and I are aware of my conundrum.  Add to the fact that I ate - in its entirety - a garlic chicken with pesto panini just prior to boarding this crowded plane (with only two restrooms), well then...I'm in a bit of a dilemma.  Can I possibly hold it?  Perhaps, but only if I don't take a Valium which of course is a muscle relaxant.  No explanation necessary here.

TV Entertainer and Bri's Personal Fantasy:
Mike Rowe
We're getting ready to descend over the majestic and magnificent Rocky Mountains of Colorado.  For those of you, my dear friends and blog readers, who've flown east into Denver, perhaps you'll understand this flyer's next 15 minutes of panic.  Once the descent begins, there are pockets of air pressure which sometimes make for impressive turbulence even for the most seasoned of travellers.  I dread this part of the flight.  This is usually when I'm either blissfully unaware of my connecting flight to Chicago Midway or clutching my Rosary beads begging forgiveness for last night's naughty dream of Mike Rowe.

Oops, here we go!   Time to find my prayer beads.  I'm not certain they'll help this time.  Last night's dream was a doozy.