Saturday, September 15, 2012

A little bit o' gross on a Saturday morning.

It's Saturday.  I can blog about nasty, vile stuff on Saturdays. These are my slower reading days.  I know this for a fact.  I've seen my statistics.  People are out visiting family, hanging out at local pubs, lounging about and capturing the final few days of summer sunshine.  Besides, I have a lot to contribute about the grosser things of life.  Life is dirty.  I must clear this awfulness from my mind.  It's not that you, my dear friends and blog readers, aren't aware of it.  We've all been through it.  Put down your coffee cups and morning Danish because here I go...

I hate garbage disposals.  They never do what they're supposed to do.  You turn them on and inevitably, they make those horrifying grinding noises as if to say, "I'm done."  Why?  Isn't their job, not to be done?  Aren't they supposed to chop, dice, and dispose of said chunky bits o' food?  Of course, this always happens at the most inconvenient of times for instance after a manicure or ten minutes prior to company arriving.  Then the following thoughts occur..."Do I really have to put my hand down there? and "What happens if someone turns on the power while my hand is searching about?" and "What the Hell did I just touch?"and "Who shoved that piece of celery in there?  Doesn't that idiot know disposals can't handle celery?" and "Why the Hell not?  You'd think that someone could make a disposal strong enough to gobble a stalk of fucking celery, dammit!"  Yes, we've all been through it.  Let's admit it, shall we?

While I'm on the topic of gross, yes - pets make a house a home; HOWEVER, a very stinky one at that.  I frequently note in my blogs that Eric and I are the proud owners of two adorable small dogs, a Shih Tzu and a Lhasa Apso.  The other night, at the unholy hour of 2:00am, I was woken by a stench so foul I almost vomited in my mouth.  Tank, our Lhasa, had a bout of diarrhea during the evening.  Because he is a sweet and loving pooch, he didn't want to disturb our slumber.  There was a minefield of poop on our bedroom floor.  Thank God I had the foresight to select brown carpet when purchasing the house.

Both Eric and I came from families with five children each.  When discussing adoption, we considered boys versus girls and remembered our lives growing up.  My sisters and I were vicious and Eric's sister (God bless her), was somewhat of a handful.  Because of these memories, we opted to adopt boys; however, we had failed to remember how disgusting boys could be.  Fast forward to our family today.  Boogers, spitting loogies in the shower, pee on the floor, toenails everywhere, oh my goodness..the horror show never ends.

Well, now that I've thouroughly grossed myself out, I have to make a cake for my friend's birthday tonight.  Have a great Saturday everyone.  Try to enjoy your Danish and coffee.