Monday, December 31, 2012

Bri's Second Annual New Year's Anti-Resolution List

Here I am again, another December 31st; however, tonight I have no particular plan to run around comparing breast sizes with my neighbors or mixing grape soda with Vodka.  In a way, this gives me comfort.  It seems that I've been overexposing myself far too much in 2012.  It's time to become a bit more mysterious.  No more skinny dipping, no more asking anonymous cowboys for kisses, it's time to take back some of my complex, cryptic nature.  This is the year I need to remember what makes me tick, pulls me forward, and gives me strength.  I'm a walking contradiction.  It's time to figure out what I'll do with myself this year.  I haven't given my Anti-Resolution List much consideration; however, I do work well under pressure and will most likely come up with a few interesting ideas as I go along.
  1. I will never, ever underestimate the amount of caffeine my body can consume within a 24 hour time period again.  I thought I was impervious.  Not so.  I thought my alter ego was StarbucksSuperSkinnyVentiMochaGirl (+ an extra shot of espresso).  The day I discovered my weakness, the afternoon I ordered my fifth Venti too many (+ an extra shot of espresso), I was done for.  I couldn't speak without drooling.  I couldn't sign my name.  Everything I picked up, I dropped repeatedly.  Thank goodness, I was home and not driving.  No dinner for Breezy that night.  I was an open-eyed zombie until my husband left for work the next morning.
  2. Shih Tzu (Be frightened of the itty dogs)
    My dog, Tank never barfs just once.  I now know to hold him over the tile and never assume he's finished especially when he's standing over my expensive dining room rug.
  3. 14 year old Apsergian boys have no social skills.  This is one of the traits of their autism.  I should never be surprised when Austynn mentions to guests how loud his dad and I are when our bedroom doors are closed.
  4. I've been reminded once again why I don't like crawling up stairs partly nude with small animals behind me.
  5. When I fell off my crutches, I was more embarrassed by my husband's 4-letter expletives than the ridiculous appearance of my going down like a spaz.
  6. I should not be allowed to drive the courtesy mechanical carts in stores, EVER!
  7. Shih Tzus are tougher than Police Dogs.  There's really no comparison.
  8. Never hand the Karaoke microphone to my husband again particularly when the song, "I Like Big Butts", starts playing. 
  9. When marijuana becomes legal in your state, Skype us - it will be a heck of a fun phone call.
  10. Hide your axes.
Have a wonderful start to the new year everyone! God Bless...