Thursday, January 16, 2014

Bri's Third Annual New Year's Anti-Resolution List

Oddly enough, this blog is a little late.  Normally I pen them on New Year’s Eve; however, this year I was at a friend’s house playing an adult card game and monitoring my husband’s intake of Tequila.  Eric has recently discovered alcohol in quantifiable amounts and now, it seems, I’m not the only one allowed to make an ass out of myself at parties.  We are each given equal opportunity ass allowances – it varies on who starts drinking first.

And so my list begins:
  1. I will never be on time writing my New Year’s Anti-Resolution List.  Perhaps next year, I’ll wait until February to post it.
  2. Since I hate shopping (yes, I am an anomaly), I will not enter a department store until I’ve outworn my youngest son’s smallest size jeans.  Damn, I like the sound of that.  Just don’t ask me how big my youngest son is and we’ll stay friends forever.
  3. When I’m bullied, made fun of, or teased I will not stand back, shrug, or laugh it off any longer. Yesterday I posted a comment on a friend’s Facebook site which I’m guessing was misunderstood (or not) by one of her friends.  In the past, I would have ignored it, stewed over it, and been humiliated; not this time.  I responded to this jackass over the stupidity of his comment and then immediately blocked him from my site.  He’s a local comedian.  I may have made an enemy, or several, in a business that I’m trying to break into or I may have shown that I have some impressive cajones (Spanish for testicles) for a girl.  Either way, this year is my year.  I will not be stepped upon.
  4. I’ll never expect a new dog toy to last longer than two hours; even if I spend $20 on it because the packaging specifically states, “Indestructible”.
  5. This is not an anti-resolution but merely an observation (I’m entitled certain allowances because this is my blog).  My bed is considerably smaller than it was a year ago.  Is this possible?
  6. I will not wear the only skirt I own on the windiest day in Denver ever again.  If I do, I’ll make a better choice of underwear.
  7. I do not like fish.  I’ve known this forever.  I should't agree to taste it at restaurants because inevitably I will embarrass my dinner guests by gagging. 
  8. As mentioned above, I’m working at breaking into the comedy business in one form or another.  I resolve NOT TO stand-up in front of a room full of other comedians again.  My ears are still ringing from the horrifying silence and worse, the periodic stifled moans as my voice crackled into the microphone.  Oh Dear God in Heaven...what a nightmare!
  9. No matter how many years of table manners we have attempted to instill in our boys, we will never take them anywhere other than our local Denny’s Diner.

Thank you, my dear friends and blog readers, who’ve continued reading my words throughout the years.  As of today, January 16, 2014, this will be my 525th blog.  Not counting the numbers from this post, I’ve had a little over 31,000 hits since late March 2009.  Since my early submissions were only on Facebook, I’m rather proud of these numbers.  Also, the countries listed below show my largest readership base:

United States, Russia, Germany, United Kingdom, Canada, Latvia, Australia, Malaysia, France, India

I can’t say what a thrill it is to know that strangers, not just my husband, find me somewhat quirky and interesting.  Your continued support has encouraged me to look within myself, be brutally honest, and finally accept who I am which seems to be so much more than a Rambling Lunatic Housewife.   Keep laughing my friends.  Life is too short for any other option.